Dreaming in Thailand: Why Thailand?

I met Dominique, my first ex-wife and mother of my three children, in January 1988 at the Village Gate, a New York City landmark (on Bleeker Street and Thompson). On Mondays, they hosted a “Salsa Meet Jazz” event where jazz soloists would play with a Salsa Orchestra. That evening, Paquito de Rivera played with the Tito Puente Orchestra. It was legendary! I also met an Australian man in his early 40s that same evening. He had curly blonde hair, a fantastic personality, and was so gregarious that about 10 of us surrounded him, intrigued by his stories. He worked in the oil business, which allowed him to live in many countries. This had always been my dream!

I asked him where his favorite places were. He replied Brazil, Southern Italy, and Southeast Asia without missing a beat. I then asked him why. Again, without missing a beat, he replied that these were the few places in the world where people were not afraid to embrace you. 

I immediately understood what he was referring to. I always felt like an alien because I perceived that even the most likable people have this barrier around them. For many years, I thought I was the problem, but I learned that this was the way of the world. Similar to Indigenous people who refused to allow their pictures to be taken for fear that the camera would take a piece of their souls, people mounted these barriers with the same fear that someone would steal something from them.

This Australian planted the seed in me that evening, and I set out, like Don Quixote (but without a trusted companion like Sancho Panza!), on a mission to find these people who were not afraid to embrace others, to find my tribe. I didn’t realize it then, but after 35 years, I realize that, like Don Quixote, I’ve spent my life chasing such windmills!

That very same year, I spent one month in Brazil and found this rare breed of human being who embraced you first and asked questions later. I’ll never forget my trip from Rio de Janeiro to Fortaleza, in the Northeast of Brazil. I found the cheapest airline ticket I could afford, which arrived at 3 AM in Fortaleza, and there were no buses or public transportation to the city until later that morning. Many people working at the airport were playing cards, and, in my conversational Portuguese, I struck up a conversation with them. They were waiting for public transportation as well.

In the morning, one of the men asked me where I was staying, and I told him that I hadn’t yet made any reservations and that finding a place was all part of the adventure. He unhesitatingly invited me to stay in his home. My first inclination was to wonder if he had some secondary gain, was perhaps gay, or maybe a serial killer who would kill me, chop up my body, and disperse it along the beautiful northeast coastline of Brazil. Despite the thought, I accepted. We arrived at his modest home, a bit more than a shack. He introduced me to his wife, who had breakfast prepared and moved his two children, who were lying on a mattress on the floor, and told me: “Minha casa e sua casa.” (“My home is your home”). I was greeted with this openness and kindness throughout my entire trip to Brazil. I felt at home. I had finally found my tribe.

Twelve years latethen-wifeen wife Dominique and two children (Paloma, my third child, was conceived on that trip!) spent four months in southern Italy. We started in Naples, the Amalfi coast (Erchie), took a ferry and stayed in Sicily, then went to Stromboli, then returned to Tuscany, the Perugia Jazz festival, and Rome.

Dominique and I had previously been to Northern Italy and even spent our honeymoon in Rome and the beautiful island of Giglio, but it was nothing like Southern Italy. Walking short distances would take us hours because everyone wanted to play with our kids and invited us for a limoncello. There was a profound warmth and openness that transcended “being nice.“ Again, we were embraced.

It took me 23 years to finally end up in Southeast Asia to complete my mission and find the last windmill of the trilogy. As you can imagine, my expectations were extremely high after having such beautiful and memorable memories in Brazil and Southern Italy, precisely as the Australian man described. 

I encountered in 2023 that the people of Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam were extremely friendly, accommodating, and welcoming, but the barrier was there as plain as day. I wondered how the Australian could have been spot on With Brazil and southern Italy but fail miserably in his description of Southeast Asia. Perhaps it was the years of tourism. After all, there are many reasons why people change over time. Maybe I had missed that golden age?

So, it was quite a surprise that I felt a calling to return to Thailand. The beaches were undoubtedly amongst the most beautiful I had ever experienced, but I knew that this was not what was calling me. I knew I had dedicated 2.5 months in Southeast Asia, and the first month would be spent in Bangkok. Over the years, I’ve learned to trust the universe and live by a phrase known to every religion:  “Imshalla!” Or “Not my will, but I will be done.” Perhaps it is better said in the vernacular: “Let the force guide you!“

I certainly cannot tell you how or why, but I’ve learned - or rather, was body-slammed!- into accepting my life as a leaf flowing in the current of a river, accepting wherever the current takes it. Sometimes, it finds itself in turbulent waters and, at other times, stuck behind a rock. I permit myself to express my volition (for example, my original plan was to go to Brazil for the winter). Still, similar to the leaf, I allow the Divine current to take me, with the understanding that I will always end up exactly where I need to be.

This process is very similar to my writing. Each of my novels and screenplays started with a seed, an idea, but ultimately they wrote themselves. I showed up every day at the keyboard, eager and excited to see how the story would unfold. I experience my life in the same way. 

So here I am in Bangkok, Thailand, eager and excited to see how the story unfolds.